turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
