I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
