i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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