Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
even my farts smell like vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
