he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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