the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
