So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
