Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
