I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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