I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
