Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
