Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
