We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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