Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
