he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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