ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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