from now on my penis is your penis
they need to just BURY HIM!
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
