Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize