Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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