we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
