just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
