After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
