Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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