you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
