Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
