Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
