im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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