i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize