Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
