apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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