I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
