Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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