I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize