id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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