He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
