I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize