turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
