he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
