hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize