She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
