my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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