Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
