TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
