Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
