Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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