matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
