he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
don't judge my taste in strippers
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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