help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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