Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
