forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
