oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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