we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
