I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize