I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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