i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
