I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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