Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dignity is for republicans.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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