It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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