lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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