For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
