those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
