You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
