I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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