anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
