Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
