Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm too high and old for this...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think my moral compass just broke
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
