I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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