tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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