This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
