He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
50% drunk capacity currently
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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