Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
