remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
