4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My breasts were aching with rage.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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