Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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