And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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