Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
