Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
