Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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