True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize