i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
