no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize