I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
