would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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