A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
