found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
