Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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