i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize