you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
