The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
