Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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