last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
