i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize