just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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