I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Randomize
