I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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