All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
