no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
