somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
