he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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