I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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